terrible tee

2009-05-31T18:50:00.000-07:00

Some Pics*

2008-12-16T21:49:00.000-08:00

Tumors

2008-12-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

So this is what the tumors looked like after they ruptured. Yay, huh?
The sad thing about this is:

They missed 2 others.
Suffice it to say I am going in a new direction as far as Specialist/Surgeons are concerned and hopefully this next surg. will be QUICK and as painless as possible.

I love surgery... by Terri Brand

2008-11-25T11:15:00.001-08:00

It may seem to the outsider that I am a hypochondriac... Perhaps.

Let's see...
Over the past 5 years I have undergone 4 major surgeries. Quoi, you ask?

2003- Prognosis: Cauda Equina Syndrome...(apparently, I hear it's rare.)Outcome: Emergency Laminectomy- Said my chances of walking again were 50-50. HAH!

2005- Prognosis: No more babies, hence Outcome: Tubal Ligation.

2006- Prognosis: Appendicitis... Outcome: Appendectomy.
2006-(2 days later) Prognosis: Internal bleeding from said Appendectomy... (they knicked an artery and I nearly hemmoraged to death. Yay Doctors! Outcome: I'm still alive.

And now this year, as a matter of fact, this coming Tuesday, I get to have yet another surgery-
2008- Prognosis- Endometrial Tumors on ovary. Outcome... well, I'll have to let you know when the fat lady sings again.

2009- PLEASE no more damn surgeries.

-Thank you.

Hacking... a.k.a. -Persons with no life.

2008-11-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the life of a hacker.
How would it be to hack someones myspace music page AND their email! WOW~ That takes some serious talent... or too much time on one's hands.

I will get back into my email, just you wait!

Memory.... all alone in the MOONLIGHT!

2008-07-31T12:10:00.000-07:00

So I've been having fun with Sarah and her blogger challenges, so I've decided to take on this one as well.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Have fun and I hope you play*~ :)

Painted Faces

2008-07-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

We had a BBQ at my sister Traci's house and I brought my face-painting gear with me. Willow wanted to be a multi-colored-tiger and Sarah wanted to be a 'black panther, but pink', was how she put it.
Anyway... I did 4 other of my nieces and nephews, but I have yet to get the pictures from the picture source to show those off. As soon as I do, I'll post them too.

Anyway. Summer just isn't summer without getting your face painted! :P

Photo-Stories

2008-07-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

My little sister Sarah tagged me on her blog to participate, so I thought I would indulge.

Age on my next Birthday: I'm ok with being in my 30's... Really, I am. And they say it gets better! It's not like I'm 80 or something.

Month my Birthday is in: Although I am a big dis-liker of Valentines Day...* I do love the snow and the peaceful time of year.

Place I'd like to visit: Wouldn't it be amazing to just walk around in Italy? Sooo romantic! When I was in Ireland... Holy muddah. I can't imagine how gorgeous Italy is... can't wait to go!

Favorite Place: The beach has to be one of my favorite places... I could just get lost in the beauty...

One of your favorite things to do: Play, Sing, Sleep.... REPEAT!

Favorite color: Red rocks. Used to be black... hmmm... so there's a little black and red in this little beauty!

One of my favorite foods: Seriously? I loooove salad. I could eat it all the time. This is my favorite salad by far though! Asian Chicken... YUMMY.

One of my least favorite foods: Serrriously, people... They crawl... eeew.

Favorite flower: I could recieve these everyday and feel like royalty... There's something so majestic about a lily.

City in which I live: SLC, baby.

Name of a past pet: Peter.... Willow's cat. He was gorgeous and sweet. But not as sweet as THIS Peter!!! HE's FANCY!!!

A nickname people call me: Terrible Tee... It stemmed from Shauna's old Professor in College, that came up with "Terrible Tee"... hence the blog name.

College Major: Current status...

My 1st job: I was a waitress at some Mexican Restaurant in Sugarhouse with my old friend from High School, Sarah Brimley... Can't remember the damn name though!

A hope for 2008: To be happy

I now tag Lidder, Laudder, and Traci! Do it, I dare ya. :P
Thanks for the blogger idea, Saroo! I loved doing it!

My Girls

2008-06-08T22:20:00.001-07:00

Willow and Sarah)))

Sarah turned 3 on the 7th. I can't believe how time really does fly. I took these pics of them yesterday, her birthday. They are such beautiful girls and I love them with all my heart and soul.

On Misunderstandings by Thomas C. Veatch

2008-05-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Do you think misunderstandings in relationships are inevitable? How do you handle them?
Here's what happens in a misunderstanding:

I say literally X,

which in my mind carries the message Y,

but in your mind you understand Z.

Then there is some confusion and controversy because Z and Y don't match up.

I think misunderstandings are inevitable.
This is my theory of misunderstandings and what to do about them.

Misunderstandings are inevitable because language is many-layered, and that means that what you literally say and what you intend to communicate are usually, normally, perhaps even always, quite different. This a basic result of linguistic science, so please go read about Linguistic Pragmatics somewhere if you don't believe me; try Yahoo, or search Google for Conversational Implicature.

Any two people cannot have the same history and expectations in any given situation, we are always different, and it's more a miracle that we understand each other as successfully as we do, than it is a tragedy that it doesn't always work out that way.

It can can be very emotionally painful for one side or both sides when a misunderstanding occurs, especially if an important expectation is violated by the unintended message Z.
The Buddha said that Desire is the Root of all Pain, and your expectations can really torture you in the case of a misunderstanding. So prepare to lighten up and be curious and explore, don't get all upset just yet, it's probably a misunderstanding.

Fourth, if it's a misunderstanding then it's not anyone's fault, but both sides have participated, and both sides can learn something, and if either side continues to blame the other for the misunderstanding then that is No Fair. It's not their fault that you don't understand what they meant, they expected that you would or otherwise they would have said it another way. And it's not your fault either, you didn't expect them to communicate that message in that way.

Here's what I think is a fair way to handle it.
First, we talk and talk
until I figure out that you understood Z

AND

until you figure out that I meant Y.
Then we both learn something:
I try to assimilate a lesson from this experience, namely:
that when I say something like X it is likely to lead to you receiving a message like Z not a message like Y, and so..
maybe I could consider another way of packaging my message so it actually gets there.
AND
You try to assimilate a lesson from that:
that when I say something like X I mean something like Y and so...
maybe you could consider another way of understanding my intention.
Apply the Golden Rule. Does it feel the same when you're on the other side? I think so.
But if you'd rather focus on the part where your friend learns what you were thinking and you get to teach your friend a lesson, and you want to skip the part where you learn what they were thinking and trying to say and where you assimilate a lesson, too, yourself, about how to understand them, then, nothing personal, but that seems out of balance. To me it seems selfish, domineering, and disrespectful, and injures the relationship. You have to root out the mistrust by honestly and respectfully engaging with your friend's real intention, by letting that really count, because that is what they really meant. If you insist on staying on your own side, you're just burning down the bridge of connection between you and your friend.

Think about it. Just a thought.

Happy Mother's Day*

2008-05-11T11:10:00.001-07:00

I can honestly say this is the only Mother's Day I've ever enjoyed... I am FREE.

A happy day to all my mother-friends and sisters alike.*

Some wise words from Willow...

2008-04-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

"I hate school. School's boring. But also.. school makes you fart. -I mean, SMART!"
-Willow, age 6 1/2

Dear Diary,

2008-04-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

Yes... I found my old diary the other day in the midst of moving out of my old apartment. It was loaded with all sorts of memories of me being obsessed with this boy named Aaron.
The funny thing is, he contacted me through my myspace music page today... Oh the weirdness. He's married with kids and does some software business or something.
It just made me think of how we as teenagers, or pre-teens... in my case, get sooo incredibly obsessed with the opposite sex when we're maturing.
Funny thing is,
I look way better at 32 than I did at 12.
He doesn't.

Darth - His REAL Calling*

2008-04-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

Holy shit... so freakin funny.

Cover Art (taken from Sarah)

2008-04-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Dude. I thought this was a seriously funny idea!
Try one on for size... it's kina fun.

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Tanning My Ass-ets

2008-03-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

UV rays inside... what a concept!

I've decided to go tanning now, once a week til I get bronzed. I love being tan... even though I got burned the 1st time around. I WILL BE TAN before the beginning of the summer.

Manners

2008-03-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

Is it exhibiting good manners to tell someone that they have something in their teeth/nose/hair?
Also, to tell someone that they have toilet-paper attached to their sneaker after using the restroom?
Does it exhibit good manners to say to someone when their voice has elevated to the point that other people are looking in your general direction, that they are being too loud on a personal subject and you are in public...?

I often wonder where people were raised. Be it a barn, the back woods, the circus... I guess I am a manners snob, because all of these things bother me tremendously and I would expect someone to do the same for me if I were displaying something in my teeth, something hanging out of my nose,(which has never been the case for me, as this is something I've always made sure of never happening to me...)or the toilet-paper thing... as this would just seriously be immensely embarassing... Do you wonder about the people that HAVE that thing in the nose, that just don't care that it's there?
Help a girl with manners understand.

Miss Understood*

2008-02-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

I feel misunderstood in a way that explaining can't even explain. One day I'm "this" and one day I'm "that." Why is this such an issue? Why are my beliefs, or lack thereof under so much scrutiny?
I can't remember the last time I had the "religion" talk with anyone in in close relation to me. Perhaps it is because, (as pointed out to me) I can't seem to commit to either side of the fence. Some days you gotta dance. Others, well... I just sit it out.

Daily update on beliefs as follows:

(note this may change at a rapid pace... so keep up.)

I believe in FAMILY.
I believe that I am entitled to my own opinions and beliefs, no matter how off the wall they may seem to others, & to project my beliefs onto others is not right for me to do... no matter how odd or off color I think other's beliefs are.
I believe in God.
I believe that Jesus did exist.
I believe I know my own heart very well and trust it completely.
I believe that love comes from here and there and everywhere...*

I found myself tonight after the gym, in the most precarious conversation with my little sister... we'll call her Sarah for the sake of concealing identies... *

For the 1st time in many years, I realized just how fucked up people seem to think my ideas and beliefs are. Because I've been so back and forth about, well, everything. I get seriously afraid to talk to this sister of mine. Perhaps it is because I value her opinion so very much, she has no idea... Perhaps it is because I am a bit intimidated by her. Perhaps it boils down to my own insecurities.

The one thing I know and believe in utterly is family. If it weren't for my children, my siblings, my mother and other close relatives, I don't believe I'd be alive today. Quite literally. That is truly the one thing I believe in utmost. No one can ever take that away from me. Even if they were gone tomorrow, I'd still have the belief that I'd be with them again someday.

Positive Ebb and Flow*

2008-02-11T05:36:00.000-08:00

Last weekend it came to an end. That which I knew for too many years and now it is done.
Ron and I are over. The girls are wrecked.
This is something that was inevitable...

It hit me like a ton of bricks when they spent the night over at his apartment the night before last. There was a knock at the door and it was Ron, delivering the girls back home to me. He told me of how traumatized they were and that neither one of them were able to sleep. He implied that all of this was my fault. And off he went.
There were so many tears and heartache flowing like a waterfall. I was unprepared. My Mother was here when they came. At the door, Sarah wouldn't let go of Ron's leg. She wanted Daddy. She couldn't understand the reason he doesn't live here anymore. She sobbed in such a way that my heart fell out of my chest and onto the ground... Then it was Willow's turn.
I sat on the couch with both of them in my lap and sobbed. Some people say sobbed with the slightest impression that they cried, but, I SOBBED. Overwhelming. Scary even. This was too difficult. An amazing sense of guilt and responsibility flooded me. I HAD done this. My choice was the reason that they were crying. This wasn't something that Ron would've been brave enough to do, he could've and would've stayed complacent in our fucked up relationship forever, if he knew it meant not changing anything.
The prison break part of this is over, which I am immensely grateful for. Now I just need to convince Ron that he needs to get the rest of his things out, so the girls don't stay forever confused and with that will come freedom for all involved.
In the long run, this IS all for the better. I have tried to keep a positive flow and attitude about it all... as one of my very good friends has told me to. The positivity will promote a good outcome for the girls and that is ALL that I want. It doesn't make it anymore easy though. It doesn't take away any less of our already fragmented hearts either... But, it does make it a bit less terrifying.
We are free and clear to be happy again.

OK, ok... Ya had me at hello

2008-02-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Figured it out.
MUST do it.
Destiny.

It Is So Tempting...

2008-01-31T22:57:00.001-08:00

It is so tempting to just throw in the towel.

Think about it.

hmm...

But now that I have your attention, I am scared shitless lately. "Why" you ask?

Here's my list...:

1. Am I really "good enough?"

2. Should I really do it?

3. Can I come up with those damned lists?

4. Do I want to ???

Hmmm...

For those of you who know what I'm talking about... any thoughts?

I Got "Tagged", and Now I'm "It!"

2008-01-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

Sarah, my little sister just tagged me...
So now I have to share 6 things that absolutely NO ONE knows about me. -Here goes nothin'.

1. I get secretly scared EVERY time I sing in front of ANYONE!!!
2. I made out with a gay guy once. (yikes)
3. I told everyone that my labor didn't hurt with Willow... that was a lie. It hurt like a motherf**ker!
4. Someday I will have a #1 hit on either the country billboards or pop. (unsure*)
5. Sometimes I hide chocolate, so on the days that I am sad or need a choc fix, I am the only one who knows where it is, so that i can GORGE on my Snickers bar... oh how sad.
6. I don't really measure up to 6'0... I just like to say I do!!!

whoah NELLY! that was a lot of uneccessary informatioN!
So now that YOU"ve read this, YOU must do the same... cause,

TAG! -YOu'RE IT!!!*~*

Cheesy Girls!

2008-01-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

My Sarah. My neice Lucy. My Willow.
Soooo cheesy!

Painting

2008-01-13T18:24:00.000-08:00

Today Ron and I painted our livingroom and now I am sooo exhausted.
Here is a little looksy at it.

C.A.A.D.D.

2008-01-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently sent this to me in an email... It's soooo true~!

"This probably has never happened to any of you...right?

Recently, I was diagnosed with C. A. A. D. D. - Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests: I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the laundry room, I notice that there are cheerios all over the floor and my car keys are in the cereal bowl. I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my car keys down on the counter, put the cheerios in the trash can under the counter, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to take out the trash. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left, my extra checks are in my desk in the office/playroom, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye --they need to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the wipes back down, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, one of the kids left it on the kitchen table. I realize that after school when they go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote as they fight over who lost it, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and I don' t remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll start the laundry..." -Author unknown.

I WILL!!!

2008-01-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

1. Sing everyday for at least an hour.
2. Play my guitar 3-5x's a week.
3. Be more dilligent about keeping up my house/laundry.
4. Enjoy my kids.- every moment counts!
5. Write a new song every week... (doesn't have to be excellent or anything!)
6. Be a better/nicer/more loving partner and friend.

TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER

2008-01-02T08:46:00.001-08:00

All I have to say is that I love Dave Ramsey.
Thank you.

Baby it's Cold Outside

2007-12-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

Shit.
It's like 14 degrees.

I went to pick up Willow from Scoo today and I thought I was going to freeze to death. And it's not a far walk to the car, folks.

Christmas is coming. Very excited about it.

Can't wait for the cold to be over with though... NOW!

Ahh. My New Look

2007-09-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

Yes I am starting fresh with a new template. I quite like it.
I got the idea from my lil sis, http://www.foxystarbuck.blogspot.com/

I quite like the new blog setup. It looks more relaxed and happy. The only thing about this new look is that it has wiped out all my links and contacts... to my buddies... So, I will list them here.

Luhz: http://www.ruralrosy.blogspot.com/
Tibcat: http://www.tibcat.blogspot.com/
Lolly: http://www.lollygaggering.blogspot.com/
Brother Nikko: http://www.brothernikko.blogspot.com/
SLCSPIN: http://www.slcspin.com/
Me at MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/31tex
Saroo at MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/sarooofthesea
Angelee at MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/angelabingham
ShaV at MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/shaunabrand

New beginnings. Ahh. The healin' power of new beginnings.

Sick.

2007-09-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

I sit here.
I am sick.
I have a fever still.
It has been at least a week since Willow brought home, "The Cold Of Deaaath". Only, she is feeling TONS better and is back at school and I just seem to keep getting worse. Who has a fever for over a week? -Me. Who has the body aches all day and night? -Me.

WHy me?

And where the hell is the Nyquil?

Water and Fall

2007-09-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

For someone who lives no where near a large body of water, Sarah is a water log.
There wasn't one time this summer that she didn't have the hose in her hand, waving it around. Watering the tomato plants, getting the kitties wet, or getting sprayed down by her Daddy or Willow.
Sarah is such a waterbaby. Willow has become more of a water afficianodo this last summer. She and Sarah had such fun together with the hose. Ya know, we never did go swimming this year... And I am afraid that the waterplay days are numbered... Fall is coming. This is how I know I'm getting old; my joints are aching at night. -Sure sign of the seasons changing and premature aging.
Isn't she so cute with her hose and her little kitty in the background?
:)

“Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed”

2007-09-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

Ahh... Cussing. Swearing. Obscenities.

Whatever you like to call it, everybody does it, right down to The Pope himself. However, His version may be unlike yours or mine...

I especially liked it in "Pulp Fiction"

Honey Bunny: [about to rob a diner] I love you, Pumpkin.
Pumpkin: I love you, Honey Bunny.
Pumpkin: [Standing up with a gun] All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery!
Honey Bunny: Any of you f**king pricks move, and I'll execute every motherf**king last one of ya!

Befriending Herion Addicts...

2007-09-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

The thing of it is this:

1. I have a BIG heart.
2. I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance.
3. I have NO experience with herion or "the addicted".

Just by happenstance, a herion addict befriended me about 4 wks. ago.
I was out in my backyard and she kind of appeared out of nowhere... introduced herself. Told me her SAGA about herion and that she was 'clean' and had been for 2 mos... or so. I thought there was no harm in befriending her back, so I welcomed her as a friend.
I started helping her, as she was and had been in a wheelchair since she was 15 and she was 28. She'd been using for 8 years, at least 12 times a day. She told me she had been going to the "Methadone CLinic" down in Sugarhouse the last 2 years and that she was clean now...
She started lying to me. This should've been my 1st clue. I tried to believe that this was the truth, her lies and then realized it was all lies. Told Ron about it... he said to be wary. He said that she was probably using again... I thought this was a very calice sort of perspective and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I took her to Church with me and my girls. She lied to The Bishop right before my very eyes. I should've listened to Ron.
The day I met her I should've realized she was a junkie-liar. Then, she showed up to our house last weekend HIGHER than anyone I've ever known. Couldn't understand a WORD she was saying as it looked as if she'd been drooling the whole way over to our house. We were luckily on our way out, and so I had an excuse... "Sorry. We're just leaving." was what I said. She went, "bleahhhhhhhhhh.......bleahhhhhhhh........ drool." She wasn't even THERE!
So she's called me a BILLION times since that night and I haven't spoken to her, as I have been too mad and disappointed to talk to her. People have given me 2nd chances, and I sit here thinking. Am I being too harsh? Should I talk to her? What should I say? I just don't know what to do.

B-E-A-uuuuuutiful!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

Remembering Smells

2007-06-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Willow got some puffy Care Bear stickers from Aunt Sarah. They were just like the ones that Sarah and I used to have in our sticker books. As I opened the package for her, the scent of the puffy stickers took me back a decade or two.

It got me thinking of how I remember smells... The smell of summer rain on dry dirt reminds me of my Grandmother and Grandfather's house in New Mexico.

The smell of a cassette tape reminds me of when my sister Sarah and I used to "create our own version of a radio show"... rewinding it and listening to it's imperfections, only to re-record it and do it all over again. (With our own man-made commercials and all.)

The clean smell of TIDE reminds me of a childhood friend, Jaime Larsen's house...

What do you tie to your memory of smells?

Eat your green beans, or I'll call Santa...

2006-12-22T15:17:00.000-08:00

So. The other night I made dinner, as usual... But something very funny happened. I called Santa to report that Willow was not eating her green beans. He proceeded to tell me that Willow was still on
the "NICE" list, and that if she were to NOT eat her vegetables, she would indeed be struck from the good list, and onto the "NAUGHTY" list.
Well, this conversation was so believable to the outside ear, that Willow did INDEED eat her green beans.

She also asked for more.

CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE...***)))

2006-12-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love Charlie Brown Christmas The Movie.
I love it so much that I bought the DVD for my girls and we have seen it now several times. It is so much more fun to watch it with them then I remember it being with anyone else.

The things that I love about Christmas are so different than what I used to love about it. For instance, I love that I have little kids that wake up and expect to see presents under the tree from Santa Claus. I love that I get to BE Santa Claus now! That is such a fun feeling!
Now I understand how much fun it must have been for my Mom to do Christmas for all her kids. The wrapping and writing in fancy cursive from: Santa Claus*))) Hiding presents in my closet from Willow especially. She's been asking LOTS of questions about Santa and when he is coming. I just imagine her pulling a "Sarah and Terri Christmas scheme", opening all their presents then, rewrapping them, thinking that certainly nobody would notice!!!

I can't wait for this Christmas!

Roger that. Over.

2006-09-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially over and I feel as though a little part of my life has died.
Strange, how we are so connected to the seasons. When they change, it is very hard. All of the sudden, I am in long sleeved clothing and wearing socks and shoes, the heater on and bundling my children.

Goodbye flip-flops.
See ya later back-yard.
Goodbye Summer and ok, Fall... I'll letcha in. But please try to let the sun shine on us sometimes.

I hate Salt Lake in the Spring-time, I hate Salt Lake in the fall...

2006-09-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously

I don't know why the hell I still live here.
I don't like the weather as it changes so abruptly.
I don't like snow and I certainly DON'T like how cold it gets here.
So, why the hell am I still here???

We are saving to move to a rainnier place. Oregon.
At least there is a beach there. No snow. No freeeeezing snow and certainly no colder than hell nights that you have to either a) basically pay over 100.00 to heat your house, b) freeze in the night cause you can't afford to pay the damn heating bill or c) get the hell outta dodge and stop all the complaining.

I'll take c) please.

5 Years Ago... 9/11

2006-09-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

I was just on my sister Sarah's blog www.foxystarbuck.blogspot.com , and realized it happened 5 years ago, today. She asked where we were when this happened.
She reminded me that we cannot forget.
This is a day that goes down in U.S., and I think actually, WORLD history. We simply are NEVER safe enough.

Girlfriend in a coma*

2006-08-22T01:07:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend in a coma, I knowI know - its serious
Girlfriend in a coma, I knowI know - its really serious
There were times when I could have murdered her
(but you know, I would hate anything to happen to her)
No, I dont want to see her
Do you really think she'll pull through ?
Do you really think she'll pull through?
Do ...
Girlfriend in a coma, I know I know - its serious
My, my, my, my, my, my baby, goodbye
There were times when I could have strangled her
(but you know, I would hate anything to happen to her)Would you pleaseLet me see her?
Do you really thinkShell pull through ?
Do you really thinkShell pull through ?
Do ...
Let me whisper my last goodbyes, I know - its serious

need I say more?

Ahhh... More back surgery.

2006-08-10T10:49:00.001-07:00

So...
I get to have yet another back surgery. I go to a new Orthopedist today for my surgical consult.
It all started when I noticed a couple months ago that my right leg was feeling numb. The numbness never went away, and in fact just seemed to get down right worse. Fffuuuucckk.
So... this picture above is some of what is wrong with me back. My L3 and L4 are herniated. Not just L4. So that means that they get to take out 2 discs this time and then fuse my spine with a titanium ROD.

Still irritating...

2006-08-04T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well.
I can't seem to stop irritating Willow. She said it to me again today. Guess I need to stay in check, man.
Classic!

"YOU'RE IRRITATING ME!!!"

2006-08-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday as I was trying to manage all things house-wise and the kids, I sat down briefly to the computer for a little break. Up skulks Willow in her attempt to get my attention and thus wake the baby, 10 mins into her morning nap. Kicking the computer chair. Whining loudly. Making sounds that I had never heard her make before. - Damn near driving me insane,
she says " YOU'RE IRRITATING ME!!!"
"Why, Willow? What have I done to irritate you so badly?"
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!"
"What were you trying to tell me?"
"THAT YOU'RE IRRITATING ME AND I'M BEING INSANE NOW!"
It's moments like these that one must reflect on what one says as a parent in times of annoyance.
(deep breath, Mommy.) I remind myself.
"Willow. I know you hear Mommy say things like "I'm so irritated. and Please STOP annoying me!!!" But, those are not nice things to say to someone... Can we try to NOT say these things to each other anymore?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry that I've told you that you irritate me sometimes, Willow."
"I'm sorry that you irritate me sometimes too, Mommy."

NYQUIL*

2006-07-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

SICK...

Is Nyquil the most amazing cold/flu medicine over the counter you can get? What the hell do you care? Because this morning I awoke to the feeling of death in my head, chest and nose. Realizing the feeling of impending doom, I walked to the medicine cabinet and found that there was one dose of NYQUIL left just for me. As I lifted my arm to chug the 4 tbsp's down, I had an epiphany... If I can make it thru this day, then NYQUIL really will be the best damn thing in the world. The day isn't over yet and I still feel like HELL on death's doormat.

HAPPY 28th BIRTHDAY, SAROO!!!

2006-07-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Today is a very important Birthday for one of the GREATEST American's and a girl with the best fashion sense I know... Little Sarah *!

I was thinking back a couple years to when I turned 28 and remember it being a strange and sort of transitional age. You're not 29, almost 30. Just in between in a sort of "I better enjoy the rest of my 20's, limbo- land." But a good age, none the less.

So, here's to you little Sarah. Happy F-in' Birthday from ME!!!

Summer Swimmin'

2006-07-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I took the girls swimming to Steiner.
I forgot how much I love to be in water when it is BLAAAZING hot outside.
Willow got a life jacket-thingy-suit and today was her first try with it, so we were coaxing her (Olivia and I) into the 4ft. part of the kiddie pool without touching her hands. -Man she freaked at first. The fear in her little eyes. Oh, it was sad to see it. I felt like I was a little girl again being frightened of the water. That feeling of certain death. You think you're going to die of one big-gulp of water into your lungs and then... Mommy saves the day. Well. I did! No. really though. You remember that feeling? The pppanic-eee one that you imagine your lungs engulfed with water and no one there to rescue you? Well, maybe I was just super-dramatic. -whatever. How strange though. The way the memories started to spill out from my childhood. My good ol' days of summer at the pools with friends and family.
I remember when I was about 13 0r 14 and I was at someone's pool that lived in our neighborhood in Sandy. It was like a new condo, with a pool. I think it was a lady that I used to babysit for. Anyway. There were a bunch of guys there that were in our ward. Tony Verde, Dana something, Kenny Tisor and I think that the Openshaw's were there.- Hot-cha- cha- Cory Openshaw. (for those of you that don't know these people, don't worry about it... just trying to paint a picture to those of you who know who I am speaking of. Anyway (again)- I didn't know how to dive. All the boys that were swimming at the pool didn't believe me that I didn't, so they all threw me in the pool. At that point in my life, I had never been taught to properly swim. I was pretty much not as frightened of the water as I was pre-pubecent years. But none the less, frightened and unprepared.
I sort of drown a bit that day. They started to take me seriously when I didn't come straight out of the water like Bo-Derrick on the beach. I recall flailing alot. I remember the fear when I was submerged in the water and thinking that I would never see the light of day again. - I know. Such a drama QUEEN. They eventually got the picture when I was flailing, and I think Kenny rescued me. Well, that day I decided to never again feel that unprepared with swimming, so the next month, I went river rafting. - I learned to swim on the Snake River. -sheeit yeah.

That look on Willow's face today reminded me of this experience in my life... Ron is teaching her to swim tonight.
And I hope she never feels that scared in the water again.

Loved this photo... needed to add to the lustre of Pierce! -From "The Matador."

2006-07-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

THE MATADOR

2006-07-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was FINALLY happy to rent a DVD,
"The Matador." In "The Matador," Pierce Brosnan plays Julian Noble, a weathered assassin on the verge of a nervous-breakdown, while Greg Kinnear plays Danny Wright, an American businessman who has terrible luck with his business endeavors as well as his life: He and his wife (Hope Davis) are hit with one tragedy after another, pulling thru it all with their deep love for one another.
Julian and Danny meet in Mexico City while on completely different kinds of business. Julian strikes up an unusual but, believable — and even moving — friendship with Danny one night at the hotel bar on what he is surprised to find out from his "employer" earlier that day, is his birthday.
Great performances by all, but most of all Brosnan plays the most unbelievably believable, nervous break-down hitman that had me thinking "007 can kick ass even with his hysterically vile, yet sexy gut hanging over his Speedo, strutting thru the lobby of a posh Mexico city hotel in a pair of what looked to me like ankle-length black boots, cigarette flopping out of his lip, and tasty cold,(beer)beverage in hand!"
I give it 2 thumbs up and ****!

Am I the only one that LOVES "Grey's Anatomy?"

2006-07-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

Seriously, people. This is I believe one of the best new shows out that there is.

I LOVE "Mc-Dreamy." There is something about Patrick Dempsey that makes me wanna watch "Can't Buy Me Love", over and over again. Maybe it was his lawn-mowing business, or perhaps just his total cuteness that kills me to this day, but I LOVE him in this show. The unattainable hot doctor that Meredith Grey is soooooo in love with.
One word, girls. -Yummy.

And Meredith's character is so loveable. She is so perfectly pathetic that you just wanna befriend her as your closest girlfriend and help her see the light that, "He's NEVER gonna leave his wife, dude."

I dunno. I haven't watched it in a while, and I sat down tonight and watched an episode that I've actually never seen before, and remembered how much I LOVE this show. If ya haven't seen it, do. Sunday nights, peeps. 8:00 on ABC.

***

I was on Sarah's blog and this is what I found out!

2006-07-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Apparently my inner Princess Pop-Diva self is none other than the Back-woods, BRITNEY SPEARS~*

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Brintey Spears

"I?m a slave for you. (Take that) I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I?m a slave (It just feels right) for you. (It just feels good)
I won?t deny it; I?m not trying to hide it. (Baby)"

You're not that innocent.

Who's" Your Inner Pop Princess?

Facsinating, HUH?

ROUTINE*~

2006-06-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish my routine was a dancing routine with Fred Astaire, and I am Ginger Rogers!!!

Reality check, Terri. It is not 1936 and you are NOT Ginger Rogers...in "Swing Time."

WHY!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

I find myself asking this question a lot lately.

This is MY routine:

Wake up. Feed the kids. Do the dishes. Clean the house. blah, blah, blah.
Where are the rewards? I guess some would argue that the reward is your children, although sometimes I fail to see that as a reward. ( you must understand that sometimes as a Mother, you DO feel burdened by them, though it's not all the time and you don't love them any less... yes this is a disclosure!) Shouldn't dancing in "Swing Time" with Fred be a part of that routine? C'mon, man. It'd be cool.

I was thinking the other day about the routine that I used to have when I was single and without little ones and a partner to take care of. My routine was simple. I would get up, take a shower, go to work, come home, hang out with Traci my sister that I used to be roommates with, and then maybe go out for drinks with friends, or just hang out by myself.

Oh but how life has changed.
I no longer have the freedom to just go do whatever it is that I want at my heart's desire. There is like this "clearance" sort of phase that I must go through in order to prepare to do anything. You see, the difference between being alone without anyone else to care for, and being responsible for children and a relationship, you have to "plan" things. Now, I've NEVER been one for planning. I have always been the "fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal."
But now, even if I want to go to the store, there is much planning involved. The "just-in-cases." Just in case the baby needs a diaper change in the middle of grocery shopping. -Take the diaper bag. Are there any diapers and wipes in the diaper bag? Then, there's the all puzzeling question. "WHERE THE HELL is THE DIAPER BAG???" Oh. And "where the hell are my keys?" That's one I have been struggling with ever since getting pregnant with Willow. I think Motherhood makes you lose a lot of your faculities.
Never before have I lost things more, than since I've been a Mother. What the hell's that all about? God must have a sense of humor, even if it is seemingly cruel to me. He's probably laughing everytime I forget something and have to turn the car around to go home and get it.
Even if I can't be Ginger Rogers in "Swing Time," I still have my girls and that's more than good enough for me.

I DID THE DISHES

2006-06-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

This is an amazing thing. There are still some left though.
I like the idea of burning everything. It just sounds better.

How do you clean when everything is soooo messy???

2006-06-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am seriously procrastinating.
First, I am sorry that I have been so far out in no mans land that I haven't even wrote updates lately.
I guess it goes to show how very much I've been procrastinating EVERYTHING!!!

Like my house, for instance.

Amazingly, it will not clean itself no matter how much I dream that it will. Everytime I think I can clean a room, I just get so overwhelmed by the disaster that I surrender to the mess and sit helplessly watching t.v. -evil t.v.
Sometimes when I think that I REALLY CAN conquer the messes. I start, then get overwhelmed again, and end up not finishing..................................argh.

SO.

Any advice?
Desperate to get organized by this weekend so I can have myself a YARD SALE to get rid of all this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

help!

Tuesday. Feels like Monday...

2006-05-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

I had a fun time at the farm with Ron and the kids this weekend. The only thing that I am bummed about, is that it went by too fast and now it is Tue-Mon-day. The Tuesday that FEELS like a Monday, but, really isn't.
It throws off the whole week, but it makes for a shorter work week.
I guess that's the upside.

Monday: is considered either the first or second day of the week, between Sunday and Tuesday. It gets its name from the Moon, which in turn gets its name from Mani (Old English Mona), the Germanic Moon god. Similarly, the French name (lundi) and the Spanish name (lunes) come from the Latin name for the moon, Luna.

Teething, sick and Miserable*

2006-05-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Poor little baby Sarah. She is sick again. At first, I thought she was just having a pain-in-the-ass time knocking through those 2 front teeth, and as it turns out, she was, and, she also has a yucky sad virus that is making her absolutely miserable w/ fever up to 103.6... Yiy.
Suffice it to say that the last few nights have been utter hell, mostly for the little lamb that cannot express her amount of pain she is experiencing. And for Mommy and the rest of us that are trying to sleep at night. :( :( :(
She will be ok though... RIghT??? That's what I have been telling her. That she will feel better soon and not to worry, that this too shall PASS!!!

ellen * the musical *

2006-05-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

That's right my friends. It's time for ELLEN THE MUSICAL!!!

DON'T MISS IT!
Kristin Chenoweth starring as Ellen's Fairy GodMother and Jack Black starring as the Narrator of the show.

Today on NBC... if you're in Utah, it's on channel 5 @ 10a.m. mountain time.
Dude. So freaken funny.
Check out the clip from the show!

javascript:Vidopen('../galleries/video/index.html?=promos/ellen3167')

deep thoughts...

2006-05-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

by Jack Handey

I was looking at pics of Willow from last summer...

2006-05-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

And I noticed how much she's grown since last June.
OY.
It made me think that I need to put my list I made for today, aside and play with my kids before they grown up more and they don't WANT to play with me anymore!!!

1) Mop floors
2) clean desk off
3) give kidlettes a bath
4) finish my laundry
5) clean kitchen
6) get a stamp and send off Columbia House BILL
7) VACUUM!!!
8) Fold and put away laundry!
9) Call and make Dr. appt for Willow, as I think she has laryngitis (which, I will do this one thing on my list too.)
10) Eat SOMETHING healthy today

So, list. You are on the back-burner for now!
All except give kids a bath. :) of course. -who wants to smell smelly kids all day?

In honor of sacrificing sanity and good roles when they come, which for me has been, well, NEVER.

2006-05-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

I say this:
this is my gratitude day.
(And thanks to Luhz who gave me the idea of sharing me gratitude.)

I am grateful.
I must remind myself once in a while or I get really depressed.

Expressing and remembering my gratitude for:

1) My 2 beautiful girls that love me whether or not I have terrible morning breath.
2) Ron, who still thinks that I am pretty damn cool and hot, especially when I have the time to shower for the day!
3) MyMother*
4)My Sisters.
5) Nanny memories and the cool poems that Mom tells of her life.
6) Even though I will not be in the Joseph production with Murray Arts in the Park, I am grateful that they even considered me for Potiphar's wife. It would've been SUCH great fun.
7) Little annoyances that my kids do. "Willow! Please stop putting your leg on my lap and asking me to tickle you!!!" or my favorite- 1a.m., 2a.m.,3a.m, 4a.m.,5a.m.,6.a,m, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I need some sleep, baby Sarah. This is why Mommy is so insane all the time! Teething is sooooo of the DEVIL."
8) Washer and dryer. Life would really suck cleaning up puke and little accidents in the middle of the night w/ out them!
9) The people that listen to all my problems. God bless you all. I would be insane otherwise!!!
10) Willow telling me that I am pretty. Before and after I brush my teeth in the morning!
such a nice little girl to me. :)

So I just got a call from the Director for Joseph...

2006-05-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

And I am not going to be able to do the show. :(
He asked me initially to be Potiphar's wife, and Ron and I talked about it for a good while. But, it looks like I won't be able to be in it, as Ron and my schedules are both so conflicting the next month ... ( As he is picking up a big job at the end of this month, which we really need) And someone needs to be home with our chillens. So, I guess it should be me.
whaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that little S gets in it though. She'd be so great in zee ensemble!
Wish little Saroo a "breakaleg!"

Maybe next time.

Until then though.
"WORD" my peeps.

I did it!

2006-05-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

Oh my peeps. Be so proud of me. I actually auditioned and it wasn't half as scary as I though it would be. I actually KICKED ASS!!! I sang "Le Jazz Hot!" from Victor Victoria..... they never saw me comin'!
Cross yer fingers fer me... I need to be in this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Chickened out for yesterday's "Joseph" AUDITION'S...

2006-05-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

So...

I will buck up and pretend that it is karaoke when I go to Taylorsville High tonight a little before 7-ish, and also pretend that I am there with a bunch of drunk peeps that really don't give a rats hairy ass as to what I sound like.
Sarah said that it was a breeze at her audition yesterday, so she thinks that I shouldn't be a scare-dee cat, and just go and kick ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing different about this vs. karaoke is that when I do karaoke, I make up my own dance moves, and at an audition, they usually like you to learn theirs and not use yours. So, sorry Paula, I can't use "straight up now tell me " choreography. Oh well. I guess it wouldn't really "go" with Joseph music anyway.

"Blogg-a-cane Katrina" vs. "Blog taken by Alien Abduction???"

2006-05-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

This morning as I sat down to see what kind of shiz-nezz was on me blog, it wasn't there.
Ouch. I was b-u-m-m-e-d.
Did a hurricane get it??? That was one of the two reasonable answers I could come up with. The other one was this.

My attempt to explain lost blog:

It was abucted by aliens.

Perhaps the guy standing next to the dead alien in the glass box gave the dead alien HIS alien-friends my password and let it loose, before he passed? Or perhaps it was taken by a hurricane... although they haven't really made much of a mark here on the Utah plain.
Please.
SOMEONE
help me understand what part of the Matrix is me blog at???