Some Pics*

Tumors

So this is what the tumors looked like after they ruptured. Yay, huh?
The sad thing about this is:

They missed 2 others.
Suffice it to say I am going in a new direction as far as Specialist/Surgeons are concerned and hopefully this next surg. will be QUICK and as painless as possible.

I love surgery... by Terri Brand

It may seem to the outsider that I am a hypochondriac... Perhaps.

Let's see...
Over the past 5 years I have undergone 4 major surgeries. Quoi, you ask?

2003- Prognosis: Cauda Equina Syndrome...(apparently, I hear it's rare.)Outcome: Emergency Laminectomy- Said my chances of walking again were 50-50. HAH!

2005- Prognosis: No more babies, hence Outcome: Tubal Ligation.

2006- Prognosis: Appendicitis... Outcome: Appendectomy.
2006-(2 days later) Prognosis: Internal bleeding from said Appendectomy... (they knicked an artery and I nearly hemmoraged to death. Yay Doctors! Outcome: I'm still alive.

And now this year, as a matter of fact, this coming Tuesday, I get to have yet another surgery-
2008- Prognosis- Endometrial Tumors on ovary. Outcome... well, I'll have to let you know when the fat lady sings again.

2009- PLEASE no more damn surgeries.

-Thank you.

Hacking... a.k.a. -Persons with no life.

Ahh, the life of a hacker.
How would it be to hack someones myspace music page AND their email! WOW~ That takes some serious talent... or too much time on one's hands.

I will get back into my email, just you wait!

Memory.... all alone in the MOONLIGHT!

So I've been having fun with Sarah and her blogger challenges, so I've decided to take on this one as well.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Have fun and I hope you play*~ :)

Painted Faces

We had a BBQ at my sister Traci's house and I brought my face-painting gear with me. Willow wanted to be a multi-colored-tiger and Sarah wanted to be a 'black panther, but pink', was how she put it.
Anyway... I did 4 other of my nieces and nephews, but I have yet to get the pictures from the picture source to show those off. As soon as I do, I'll post them too.

Anyway. Summer just isn't summer without getting your face painted! :P

Photo-Stories

My little sister Sarah tagged me on her blog to participate, so I thought I would indulge.

Age on my next Birthday: I'm ok with being in my 30's... Really, I am. And they say it gets better! It's not like I'm 80 or something.



Month my Birthday is in: Although I am a big dis-liker of Valentines Day...* I do love the snow and the peaceful time of year.



Place I'd like to visit: Wouldn't it be amazing to just walk around in Italy? Sooo romantic! When I was in Ireland... Holy muddah. I can't imagine how gorgeous Italy is... can't wait to go!



Favorite Place: The beach has to be one of my favorite places... I could just get lost in the beauty...



One of your favorite things to do: Play, Sing, Sleep.... REPEAT!



Favorite color: Red rocks. Used to be black... hmmm... so there's a little black and red in this little beauty!



One of my favorite foods: Seriously? I loooove salad. I could eat it all the time. This is my favorite salad by far though! Asian Chicken... YUMMY.



One of my least favorite foods: Serrriously, people... They crawl... eeew.



Favorite flower: I could recieve these everyday and feel like royalty... There's something so majestic about a lily.



City in which I live: SLC, baby.



Name of a past pet: Peter.... Willow's cat. He was gorgeous and sweet. But not as sweet as THIS Peter!!! HE's FANCY!!!



A nickname people call me: Terrible Tee... It stemmed from Shauna's old Professor in College, that came up with "Terrible Tee"... hence the blog name.



College Major: Current status...



My 1st job: I was a waitress at some Mexican Restaurant in Sugarhouse with my old friend from High School, Sarah Brimley... Can't remember the damn name though!



A hope for 2008: To be happy



I now tag Lidder, Laudder, and Traci! Do it, I dare ya. :P
Thanks for the blogger idea, Saroo! I loved doing it!

My Girls

Willow and Sarah)))

Sarah turned 3 on the 7th. I can't believe how time really does fly. I took these pics of them yesterday, her birthday. They are such beautiful girls and I love them with all my heart and soul.

On Misunderstandings by Thomas C. Veatch

Do you think misunderstandings in relationships are inevitable? How do you handle them?
Here's what happens in a misunderstanding:


I say literally X,

which in my mind carries the message Y,

but in your mind you understand Z.

Then there is some confusion and controversy because Z and Y don't match up.

I think misunderstandings are inevitable.
This is my theory of misunderstandings and what to do about them.


Misunderstandings are inevitable because language is many-layered, and that means that what you literally say and what you intend to communicate are usually, normally, perhaps even always, quite different. This a basic result of linguistic science, so please go read about Linguistic Pragmatics somewhere if you don't believe me; try Yahoo, or search Google for Conversational Implicature.

Any two people cannot have the same history and expectations in any given situation, we are always different, and it's more a miracle that we understand each other as successfully as we do, than it is a tragedy that it doesn't always work out that way.

It can can be very emotionally painful for one side or both sides when a misunderstanding occurs, especially if an important expectation is violated by the unintended message Z.
The Buddha said that Desire is the Root of all Pain, and your expectations can really torture you in the case of a misunderstanding. So prepare to lighten up and be curious and explore, don't get all upset just yet, it's probably a misunderstanding.

Fourth, if it's a misunderstanding then it's not anyone's fault, but both sides have participated, and both sides can learn something, and if either side continues to blame the other for the misunderstanding then that is No Fair. It's not their fault that you don't understand what they meant, they expected that you would or otherwise they would have said it another way. And it's not your fault either, you didn't expect them to communicate that message in that way.

Here's what I think is a fair way to handle it.
First, we talk and talk
until I figure out that you understood Z

AND

until you figure out that I meant Y.
Then we both learn something:
I try to assimilate a lesson from this experience, namely:
that when I say something like X it is likely to lead to you receiving a message like Z not a message like Y, and so..
maybe I could consider another way of packaging my message so it actually gets there.
AND
You try to assimilate a lesson from that:
that when I say something like X I mean something like Y and so...
maybe you could consider another way of understanding my intention.
Apply the Golden Rule. Does it feel the same when you're on the other side? I think so.
But if you'd rather focus on the part where your friend learns what you were thinking and you get to teach your friend a lesson, and you want to skip the part where you learn what they were thinking and trying to say and where you assimilate a lesson, too, yourself, about how to understand them, then, nothing personal, but that seems out of balance. To me it seems selfish, domineering, and disrespectful, and injures the relationship. You have to root out the mistrust by honestly and respectfully engaging with your friend's real intention, by letting that really count, because that is what they really meant. If you insist on staying on your own side, you're just burning down the bridge of connection between you and your friend.

Think about it. Just a thought.

Happy Mother's Day*

I can honestly say this is the only Mother's Day I've ever enjoyed... I am FREE.



A happy day to all my mother-friends and sisters alike.*

Some wise words from Willow...

"I hate school. School's boring. But also.. school makes you fart. -I mean, SMART!"
-Willow, age 6 1/2

Dear Diary,

Yes... I found my old diary the other day in the midst of moving out of my old apartment. It was loaded with all sorts of memories of me being obsessed with this boy named Aaron.
The funny thing is, he contacted me through my myspace music page today... Oh the weirdness. He's married with kids and does some software business or something.
It just made me think of how we as teenagers, or pre-teens... in my case, get sooo incredibly obsessed with the opposite sex when we're maturing.
Funny thing is,
I look way better at 32 than I did at 12.
He doesn't.

Darth - His REAL Calling*

Holy shit... so freakin funny.

Cover Art (taken from Sarah)

Dude. I thought this was a seriously funny idea!
Try one on for size... it's kina fun.

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Tanning My Ass-ets

UV rays inside... what a concept!

I've decided to go tanning now, once a week til I get bronzed. I love being tan... even though I got burned the 1st time around. I WILL BE TAN before the beginning of the summer.

Manners

Is it exhibiting good manners to tell someone that they have something in their teeth/nose/hair?
Also, to tell someone that they have toilet-paper attached to their sneaker after using the restroom?
Does it exhibit good manners to say to someone when their voice has elevated to the point that other people are looking in your general direction, that they are being too loud on a personal subject and you are in public...?

I often wonder where people were raised. Be it a barn, the back woods, the circus... I guess I am a manners snob, because all of these things bother me tremendously and I would expect someone to do the same for me if I were displaying something in my teeth, something hanging out of my nose,(which has never been the case for me, as this is something I've always made sure of never happening to me...)or the toilet-paper thing... as this would just seriously be immensely embarassing... Do you wonder about the people that HAVE that thing in the nose, that just don't care that it's there?
Help a girl with manners understand.

Miss Understood*

I feel misunderstood in a way that explaining can't even explain. One day I'm "this" and one day I'm "that." Why is this such an issue? Why are my beliefs, or lack thereof under so much scrutiny?
I can't remember the last time I had the "religion" talk with anyone in in close relation to me. Perhaps it is because, (as pointed out to me) I can't seem to commit to either side of the fence. Some days you gotta dance. Others, well... I just sit it out.

Daily update on beliefs as follows:

(note this may change at a rapid pace... so keep up.)

1. I believe in FAMILY.
2. I believe that I am entitled to my own opinions and beliefs, no matter how off the wall they may seem to others, & to project my beliefs onto others is not right for me to do... no matter how odd or off color I think other's beliefs are.
3. I believe in God.
4. I believe that Jesus did exist.
5. I believe I know my own heart very well and trust it completely.
6. I believe that love comes from here and there and everywhere...*

I found myself tonight after the gym, in the most precarious conversation with my little sister... we'll call her Sarah for the sake of concealing identies... *

For the 1st time in many years, I realized just how fucked up people seem to think my ideas and beliefs are. Because I've been so back and forth about, well, everything. I get seriously afraid to talk to this sister of mine. Perhaps it is because I value her opinion so very much, she has no idea... Perhaps it is because I am a bit intimidated by her. Perhaps it boils down to my own insecurities.

The one thing I know and believe in utterly is family. If it weren't for my children, my siblings, my mother and other close relatives, I don't believe I'd be alive today. Quite literally. That is truly the one thing I believe in utmost. No one can ever take that away from me. Even if they were gone tomorrow, I'd still have the belief that I'd be with them again someday.

Positive Ebb and Flow*

Last weekend it came to an end. That which I knew for too many years and now it is done.
Ron and I are over. The girls are wrecked.
This is something that was inevitable...

It hit me like a ton of bricks when they spent the night over at his apartment the night before last. There was a knock at the door and it was Ron, delivering the girls back home to me. He told me of how traumatized they were and that neither one of them were able to sleep. He implied that all of this was my fault. And off he went.
There were so many tears and heartache flowing like a waterfall. I was unprepared. My Mother was here when they came. At the door, Sarah wouldn't let go of Ron's leg. She wanted Daddy. She couldn't understand the reason he doesn't live here anymore. She sobbed in such a way that my heart fell out of my chest and onto the ground... Then it was Willow's turn.
I sat on the couch with both of them in my lap and sobbed. Some people say sobbed with the slightest impression that they cried, but, I SOBBED. Overwhelming. Scary even. This was too difficult. An amazing sense of guilt and responsibility flooded me. I HAD done this. My choice was the reason that they were crying. This wasn't something that Ron would've been brave enough to do, he could've and would've stayed complacent in our fucked up relationship forever, if he knew it meant not changing anything.
The prison break part of this is over, which I am immensely grateful for. Now I just need to convince Ron that he needs to get the rest of his things out, so the girls don't stay forever confused and with that will come freedom for all involved.
In the long run, this IS all for the better. I have tried to keep a positive flow and attitude about it all... as one of my very good friends has told me to. The positivity will promote a good outcome for the girls and that is ALL that I want. It doesn't make it anymore easy though. It doesn't take away any less of our already fragmented hearts either... But, it does make it a bit less terrifying.
We are free and clear to be happy again.

OK, ok... Ya had me at hello

Figured it out.
MUST do it.
Destiny.

It Is So Tempting...

It is so tempting to just throw in the towel.

Think about it.

hmm...

But now that I have your attention, I am scared shitless lately. "Why" you ask?

Here's my list...:

1. Am I really "good enough?"

2. Should I really do it?

3. Can I come up with those damned lists?

4. Do I want to ???

Hmmm...

For those of you who know what I'm talking about... any thoughts?

I Got "Tagged", and Now I'm "It!"

Sarah, my little sister just tagged me...
So now I have to share 6 things that absolutely NO ONE knows about me. -Here goes nothin'.

1. I get secretly scared EVERY time I sing in front of ANYONE!!!
2. I made out with a gay guy once. (yikes)
3. I told everyone that my labor didn't hurt with Willow... that was a lie. It hurt like a motherf**ker!
4. Someday I will have a #1 hit on either the country billboards or pop. (unsure*)
5. Sometimes I hide chocolate, so on the days that I am sad or need a choc fix, I am the only one who knows where it is, so that i can GORGE on my Snickers bar... oh how sad.
6. I don't really measure up to 6'0... I just like to say I do!!!


whoah NELLY! that was a lot of uneccessary informatioN!
So now that YOU"ve read this, YOU must do the same... cause,

TAG! -YOu'RE IT!!!*~*

Cheesy Girls!

My Sarah. My neice Lucy. My Willow.
Soooo cheesy!

Painting

Today Ron and I painted our livingroom and now I am sooo exhausted.
Here is a little looksy at it.

C.A.A.D.D.

A friend of mine recently sent this to me in an email... It's soooo true~!

"This probably has never happened to any of you...right?

Recently, I was diagnosed with C. A. A. D. D. - Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests: I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the laundry room, I notice that there are cheerios all over the floor and my car keys are in the cereal bowl. I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my car keys down on the counter, put the cheerios in the trash can under the counter, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to take out the trash. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left, my extra checks are in my desk in the office/playroom, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye --they need to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the wipes back down, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, one of the kids left it on the kitchen table. I realize that after school when they go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote as they fight over who lost it, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and I don' t remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll start the laundry..." -Author unknown.

I WILL!!!

1. Sing everyday for at least an hour.
2. Play my guitar 3-5x's a week.
3. Be more dilligent about keeping up my house/laundry.
4. Enjoy my kids.- every moment counts!
5. Write a new song every week... (doesn't have to be excellent or anything!)
6. Be a better/nicer/more loving partner and friend.

TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER

All I have to say is that I love Dave Ramsey.
Thank you.